Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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