my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
