it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need a burrito and a hug.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
