Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
