We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
