last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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