i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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