just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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