epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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