Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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