i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize