I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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