I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We left an ass print on the piano.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
