I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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