Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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