OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why did my mother make you get naked?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
