I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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