well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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