true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Boobs are out for the taking
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
