with your own penis?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
