Duck Duck Cougar?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
