I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
