Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
