I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?