i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
