Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
