That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.