I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
