i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
