Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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