Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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