some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
