So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
