...so i touched it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
