"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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