She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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