My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
