the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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