He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
