i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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