walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
nutella sex= disaster
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
