Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
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i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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