she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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