No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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