Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
