Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
