If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
