Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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