dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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