she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize