i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
