You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
