Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she smelled like a LAN party
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
