What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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