dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
