I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize