You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
