I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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