She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
