I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
