At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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