I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently you make a good broom.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
