I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
