I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i think im in europe. pls send help
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
