i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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