Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
