just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
