I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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