We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
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