the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
