Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
