I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
