Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
