Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
