my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
