My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize