matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
