At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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