I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
