i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
