Don't make out with my wife yet
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
