But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
